Vibe Killers When Managers Won't Say The Thing
Provocative Question of the Month- August
Vibe Killers: When Managers Won’t Say the Thing
When managers avoid saying “the thing,” they don’t protect feelings—they prolong frustration.
They stall growth.
They erode trust.
Managers who mobilize teams are the ones willing to lean into uncomfortable conversations.
And surprisingly, some of those conversations aren’t corrective...they’re celebratory.
If you want to be a coaching manager, it means stepping up to say what needs to be said—both the hard truths and (especially) the high praise. You get more of the behavior you focus on the most.
This week on the My Manager Coach podcast, we explored the three statements managers most often avoid—and the ripple effects that follow:
1. “You did great work on ________.”
Why are Managers so uncomfortable and stingy with praise?
Managers who overlook praise—rationalizing that “it’s just part of their job”, often struggle with low loyalty and shallow engagement.
Employees in these environments tend to do just enough because there's no emotional incentive to go above and beyond.
Want excellence? Catch people doing excellent things—and name it. Bonus points if you tie it into your Core Values.
Praise is powerful when it’s:
- Specific
- Timely
- Genuine
No one files HR complaints for too much appreciation.
2. “Right now, I wouldn’t promote you because ________.”
I've lost count of how many managers have quietly decided never to promote an employee—yet never told them why.
The result? Confusion. Guesswork. Resentment.
If someone’s falling short, tell them. Give them helpful feedback and describe what you will see if success and excellence are present. Then, let them decide whether to rise.
You are responsible to people, not for them.
Be clear. Be constructive. Then let them choose.
As Patrick Lencioni says: “To be unclear is to be unkind.”
3. “This behavior is unacceptable and needs to change.”
When one team member’s behavior crosses a line and it goes unaddressed, resentment builds. But not just toward that person.
Eventually, the team’s frustration turns on you—the manager for not addressing it.
Who are your sacred-cows? When you let people (show up late, do the minimum or less, refuse to implement consequences)...
Morale drops.
Engagement fades.
Your credibility suffers.
When poor behavior is ignored, good behavior stops feeling worth it.
This happens in workplaces every single day.
Delayed feedback doesn’t lead to development—it leads to disillusionment.